Food. I’m actually going to talk about food today. Binge/purge has been a part of my daily routine for a long, long time and I’ve become complacent about it. But not anymore. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of spending my last penny on what will become another regret. I’m sick of waking up feeling sub-human becuz I eat, eat, eat, then purge, 1-3 times a day.

I turned to food cuz I’m finanically overwhelmed, cuz I dont know how to afford colposcopy which I need to screen for my cervical cancer symptoms, cuz I’m freaked out about my health. Those are my main reasons. Food is my escape and I dont have a single worry on my mind during the short, delusional high.

But I’m tired of it and it doesnt even work anymore. So this is my Step One, admitting & facing my problem. Step Two will be to continue journaling 3 pages (stream of consciousness) every morning to get everything out of my system. Step Three will be to CHILL OUT about my health. My symptoms indicate HPV but it doesnt necessarily mean cervical cancer. Just get the colposcopy done & then take the next step.

Everything will be okay.

Today:

• 1:30-5:30 work
• 3 piano students @ sol’s
• hangout with sol’s family – always a great time.

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