I’ve gotta admit, I’m not doing so hot ed-wise. I’ve been going downhill ever since school ended. 2.5 weeks left to go until school starts. I dont know why I do this. Last night, I recognized that I’ve been "running from my feelings" for a long time, including this past year. I journaled privately for the first time in a looong time & all these feelings that I didnt know I had emerged into the entry. I didnt "feel" anything, but I wrote about it. I dont really "feel" much of anything. Logically, not feeling is obviously the problem. But at heart, I dont know how to feel anything. I can write and blog about it but I still wont feel much. I think I’m too "drugged up" on ed. 

One feeling I have right now is: overwhelmed. So much to do. Gotta practice 4 piano pieces by next week’s casual recital @ a nursing home. Gotta study this US fact book for my citizenship interview on wed. Gotta make 3 christmas tree costumes by sat. Gotta get ppl ready for the skit. Gotta figure out props and where I’m gona get the money to do it. Gotta work. Gotta do CNA training 4-hours a night. I do most of these things because I want to, but this week, I am overwhelmed. And I dont feel prepared. I have this mental list of endless to-do’s, and my mind is nonstop.

On the bright side, my mom’s surgery went smoothly today. She had her entire thyroid removed to get rid of the tumor. She’s spending tonight at the hospital (and bored to death), but at least it’s over with. Now she needs to rest in bed for a few weeks.

Anyways, so much to do, dont know where to start. It’s 12:10am, so I should just go to sleep soon.

But food. Food, food food. Sigh. I guess the only way to get rid of this problem is to deal with my feelings (like frustration, pressured, overwhelmed, etc)… bah. I’m too sleepy right now though. 12:12am. Good night. 

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