Today I woke up and felt actually kind of happy about myself. I smiled, practically skipped downstairs to eat my daily diet plan and walked tall, feeling skinny. When suddenly I glanced in the pantry and the pancake mix grabbed me. I fought myself, tearing myself apart inside and out, giving myself reason opon reason not to eat any food but my greenbeans. Sooner than later I was mixing the disgustingly sweet pancakes, making them bigger than they should be, slathered them in butter and syrup and binged till I couldnt walk.

I screamed at myself in my head "FATASS! YOU CANT CONTROL ANYTHING!! YOU WILL BE UGLY YOUR WHOLE LIFE". I locked the door to my bathroom, put my ipod on high to drown out my purging, and stuck my fingers down my throat to relieve myself of my fatty burden. After I was finished, I sat on the tiled floor my arms wrapped around my legs and cried. The lyrics of Pretty Girl(The Way) from Sugarcult wafted around me. I hugged my ugly deformed legs to me and cried till I couldnt breathe anymore.

What will the rest of this day be like? Will I be able to control myself when dinner comes around? I skipped lunch because I dont want to feel bloated. I pray that I can. . . I want to be pretty. Why cant I be pretty?

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