I want to lose some numbers. I’m not talking about numbers in the scale. Actually, I don’t know how much I weight. I just don’t care. Since many years ago, I avoid scales, I don’t want to know their opinion about me. I had known how much I weight only when I had to because a medic diagnosis. When I got married, I got a number wroten in the medical certificate…since then, I lost the clue. I don’t know and I don’t want to know because I don’t want to be a prisioner of the scale, of the pounds psicosis…. I just want to feel right. I just want to be a person, not a pound less or a pound more. 

I quit with the scale because I realized that somedays I saw myself thin, and some hours later I could see myself fat…. and that is just stupid, ridiculous, and I’m not a stupid nor a ridiculous person. So, the difference between perceiving myself fat or thin, wasn’t the material reality of weight…was the emotional state. The scale just contribute to increase anxiety…stop, no more scales for me.

 Today I’m really good. Not just "today" as this simple day. I say "today" as this season, this part of my life. Why? Because I made a choice and I made a compromise with myself (the must important person for me, as it has to be): No more pain caused by myself. 

 So I stop binging and vomiting. Yes, I quit being a bulimic and I’m not going to return to anorexia. No, I want to know how life can be without self torture. I was just so exhausted of the rutine of over-eat and then expulse every little piece of life… I don’t want to be ashamed of my secret, I don’t want to keep that kind of secret. I’m alive and I want to act as an alive person.

 25 days. That’s it. 25 days without my secret suicide. I’m recovering, and I need to fight hard because I’m determined to achieve health.

That’s because I said "I want to lose numbers". Because I want to do this so well, I want to forget this chapter, I want to forget the count and, some day, I just will say: I just can’t remember how many days ago I stop being sick… 

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